Why I Write

Bibliography: I’m stealing from Joan Didion who stole from George Orwell.

Confession: I don’t know much about either of them, and I don’t know even in what context Orwell coined the phrase.

Even Bigger Confession: I had forgotten that I ever knew who Joan Didion was until two days ago when I was searching for my yearbook so I could finish Thursday’s post.

The English major in me is giving me the “shame on you” finger and willing me not to admit this to the world but there’s no going back. Instead of finding the yearbook I was looking for, I spent three hours with a box of mouse chewed essays, term papers and “blue books” from college. Selected highlights:

Defining Southern American Literature, 16 Nov. 1999
C+ ~ You make some good points but your essay lacks conceptual focus – Suarez.
3 Sept. 2010, To Dr. Suarez –
If you asked me today to define Southern American Literature, I could be more to the point, but I’ve forgotten the characteristics that define it. Could I instead write about the time I ran into you at the Allman Brothers concert at the Aberdeen Proving Grounds and you bought me a beer? That, I remember.

Child of the Puritans, 20 Sept. 1999
A ~ An intelligent and thoughtfully argued paper. Much of the paper is very well written – you have a positively elegant style when you’re at your best. But there are periodic problems with awkward and even unclear writing, many of which (I think) stem from a penchant to use several words where one will do. You might edit in future with this weakness in mind. I share this weakness, by the way. I suspect it comes from liking the sound of words (and temporarily forgetting about their sense) – Tentler.
3 Sept. 2010, To Dr. Tentler – For a History professor reading one of a million student papers, this seems pretty insightful – and forgiving. I don’t know for sure, but I would guess that my writing may have seemed superfluous at times because I was trying to reach a minimum page or word count on the very obscure topic of “Mary Fish”. But do you see how my writing has improved – one word, “superfluous”, in place of the 61 you used. Also, I love that you used the word “penchant”.

Sex, Gender, and the Body in Feminist Theory, 7 Feb. 2001
A+ ~ Your paper covers precisely the issues I wanted students to discuss in this first work. Your form is concise, straight-to-the-point. I think a paragraph could have been added at the end as a way to insert your personal take – Lucamante.
3 Sept. 2010, To Dr. Lucamante – I am sorry that I forgot who Joan Didion was.

I did not walk away from the box in the garage having remembered who Joan Didion was. I was sweaty, I was thirsty, my eyes were itchy, and I was carrying a stack of chewed up, mouse germy, old papers. Bouncing around in my head were a few different ideas for how to turn the experience into a funny-yet-poignant blog post and I already knew I wanted to write about writing. I’d been feeling like, if I’m going to do a blog, its got to have a point, there has to be a reason behind it – why else would people be interested in it and want to read it? After I left the garage, I spent almost a day turning this phrase over in my head, “Why I Write”.

Finally, I Googled it. Joan Didion is many things, but since I’m trying to stay conceptually focused and to avoid superfluity while sticking to the issues I wanted to discuss in these early posts – Why I Write is why I write.

Just kidding. Here's a paragraph at the end inserting my personal take:

Why I Write is an article by Joan Didion published in the New York Times in 1976, and having read it during the first month of Dr. Lucamante’s English class, it was the topic I did not choose when I wrote my A+ Sex, Gender, and the Body in Feminist Theory paper. Having reacquainted myself with the article, what most resonates for me is this: "I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means".

And if you are still there reading, you are reading to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means. That's the point.

Confession: Before writing this post, I only read the abridged version of Why I Write.

Besties

I love the word Besties. I didn't make it up, but I wish I had and at least - to me - it sounds like something I would come up with. I've heard it around and I'd filed it away, waiting to use it only once it felt authentic. So here I am putting my stamp on it - its one of my favorite things.

My mom used it the other day because she'd found her way to the blog of my high school Bestie. Before we went to school together, we went to summer camp together and I think we were archenemies there. We started school together in 5th grade where we tried to turn the tables on Angela Pizzo, the popular girl and simultaneously the class bully. In sixth grade, she was the first to know I started my period, even before my mom. She came along on many of my family camping trips at (we always said the full name because it was fun) Four Seasons Family Camping Area on Long Lake (although there was the time we tried to shorten it to an acronym, FSFCALL, which never stuck). We were on-again/off-again in the 7th and 8th grades, but when we were on we did things like watch Aileen's craft show - this was before the dawn of HGTV and I would say at that age watching Aileen's was not the most super cool thing to do.

High school was the best in terms of our friendship. The only classes we didnt have together were our languages, I took Latin and she took French. In one of my yearbooks she wrote that she didn't know what to make of our friendship - one minute we were having a blast and the next we were fighting like an old married couple, but through it all I was the one she knew she could count on. So many memories. Besties.

Through it all there was an unspoken competition. Since it was unspoken, I don't know if it was there for her, but for me it all stemmed from this one thing. "Done". For as long as I knew her, it was what she would say the instant she completed a test, a worksheet or any assignment. "Done", and she'd slam her pencil (and later in junior high and all through high school her erasable Bic pen) down on her desk. So from 5th grade on, this was my secret personal challenge - to be "Done" before her. I will say that only a handful of times did I actually say "Done" and slam my pen down.

Over the years she beat me at lots of things - Civic Oration, high school GPA, the good parts in school plays. Bitter? Way No. But when I got this email from my mom about the super fantastic successful blog of my old Bestie, it was like I could hear her say it: "Done", under her breath, punctuated by the clattering of her pencil on her desk, except this time I didnt even know we had the same assignment.

As I scrolled through the pages of her blog, I could say I took a stroll down Memory Lane - but it was more like my life flashed before my eyes. All the times I've sat down to write "my book", all the projects I've finished and thought "people would buy that", the costumes the kids have encouraged me to sell, the times people have said "there's a market for that"; basically, the things I've never put to use.

After reading her blog, my mom said "She's very creative and obviously talented. I know a long lost friend of hers that is just as creative and talented. That's probably why they were besties :)" La la la. Its like old times. "Done". This time around, I don't see it as a challenge. This time she's not my secret rival, this time she's my inspiration. Cheers to you, Jess! (and read my Blog!!)!